Summary

[00:00:00] Dr. Stacey Gonzales: Today was a really difficult and challenging day for me, and I wanna share in today's Build in Public podcast what difficult feels like when I'm actually going through it. And it's. Private and secret, and nobody sees it or feels it but me and I don't really know how to share it publicly. So I'm gonna use this podcast tonight as an attempt to share what building in public feels like. [00:00:53] I started today knowing that there were some things off kilter [00:01:00] and my business partner and. Had a conflict two days ago that really rattled me that really rattled me. [00:01:15] And the reason it rattled me is because it quickly started to trigger inside of me a old past pattern. And hostile aggressive reaction, and I noticed it pretty quickly and in our call, attempted to [00:01:49] understand and validate her perspective, but the manner in which she was talking to. Really [00:02:00] was triggering me to the point where I couldn't respond in a way that felt calm, confident, peaceful, or aligned. And so we got off the call. [00:02:22] I knew that there was more that I needed to process as a result, [00:02:30] and so today [00:02:35] I woke up feeling very uncertain, very bad about this conflict. And yesterday was a busy day, so we didn't have a chance to really sit down and chat and talk through what had happened. And I also felt like I need some time to process. She [00:03:00] needs some time to process, but in my world, this feeling of this conflict was, would be in the way of any sort of conversation. [00:03:12] Zoom, face-to-face. Even written work. And I had a whole day open today without any meetings, and so I just determined that I was gonna allow myself to go deep and go into my soul growth journey. And the way I started it was at about nine. I knew I wanted to take a cold bath, a um, plunge, if you will, but the way I do my cold bath is I [00:04:00] let the water, the cold water fill the tub as opposed to getting into a cold plunge. [00:04:08] And the reason. I do cold showers, cold plunges is because it's a reminder for me that I can persist through discomfort. That discomfort does not hurt me, cannot kill me, cannot control me. And in today's Cold Bath this morning, [00:04:40] Just focused on being grounded. And I kept saying to myself, just stay open. Don't close down. Don't have opinions about this. Don't tell any stories to yourself about what you're feeling. You don't need to do anything, but just [00:05:00] experience this moment and you're okay. And so that's how I started. and then I put on, um, a meditation soundtrack with, which was music. [00:05:18] And I put this light up on my ceiling and I laid in bed and was in a somewhat meditative, somewhat open space, and I could feel. at different moments, emotions and pain and feelings struggling through my body. And the thing that I did was I told myself, just stay open. Don't close. Don't close. Relax and release. [00:05:56] Let it go. Let it flow. It will flow through you. [00:06:00] You're okay. And. Then this creative energy came in where I started to create content both publicly on Twitter, Facebook, LinkedIn, and behind the scenes in Slack communities, email, texts, and dms. And the difference with this communi. Compared to before my bath meditation was that I was going in a layer deeper, more vulnerable, more open, more um, authentic. [00:06:50] And the words flowed pretty well and beautifully in some cases. And what it reminded me [00:07:00] was that I can. Myself showing up digitally in 2D because for the majority of my first career, all of my first career, I spent that in spaces and places in 3D and physical spaces with people and. , different energy exists when you are in cafeterias with hundreds of kids every day and in buildings with people and walking in and out of meetings versus the safety and comfort of your home. [00:07:33] And so there's a new level of vulnerability and awareness that I am exhibiting and testing. Quote unquote testing out in the virtual space and have I found the spaces and places where I feel safe enough to be in community with others, but to be [00:08:00] fully me showing up. And so that is where this build and public journey is beginning for me today. [00:08:13] And I. That my willingness to sit with discomfort and allow myself to process through difficult conversations and communicate in new and healthy ways with healthier boundaries will help other people in their business and personal endeavors, and that's why I'm building in. The soul growth journey. Thank you for listening today.